I was introduced to John Gottman, Ph.D. by Phil Donahue during the summer of 1995. At that time, Dr. Gottman was promoting the paperback edition of his book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…And How You Can Make Yours Last (Gottman, 1995) on the Donahue show. Also at that time, I had taken a break from my career to raise children only to realize that my marriage was failing. Dr. Gottman seemed to know what he was talking about, despite the fact that he was hawking a general interest book on a television talk show, and I decided to purchase his book and find out more.
I learned that Gottman was and is a respected researcher; a professor in the Psychology Department of the University of Washington. He had been doing observational studies of marriage for 20 years at that point, analyzing the interactions of both “happy” and “unhappy” couples in a home-like laboratory setting.
[...] Name one of your partner's major rivals or “enemies.” 39. What would be an ideal job for your partner? 40. What is your partner's major fear? 41. Who is your partner's least favorite relative? 42. What is your partner's favorite holiday? 43. What is your partner's favorite kind of reading? 44. What is your partner's favorite TV show? 45. Who was your partner's best friend in childhood? 46. Who is your partner's favorite poet? 47. What is your partner's favorite side of the bed? [...]
[...] The Mathematics of Love: A Talk With John Gottman. Retrieved 2/25/2007 from http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gottman05/gottman05_index.html Appendix I (From Gottman page 203-205) Intervention 1. Love Maps: Introducing the Concept Here the therapist is only sketching the outline of the couple's Love Maps by introducing the concept. In this intervention partners take turns selecting a card from the Love Maps deck. They try to answer the question on the card. For example, “Name your partner's least favorite relative.” The listening spouse corrects the partner if necessary, but in a spirit of fun, not criticism. [...]
[...] research, expanding into family therapy and exploring whether his theory and techniques are applicable to various cultural/language/ethnic/economic groups as well as in situations where domestic abuse or substance abuse are present (The Edge, 2004). He has not written about applicability to same-sex relationships and speaks consistently of “husband” and roles (inclusive of co-habituating heterosexual couples). He has published several books targeted to academic and general audiences, but Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy” (Gottman, 1999) provides the most comprehensive description of his theory and technique currently available, and provides the basis for the remainder of this discussion. [...]
[...] What is one of your partner's favorite ways of being soothed? 25. Who is your partner's greatest source of support (other than you)? 26. What is one of your partner's favorite hobbies? 27. What is your partner's favorite sport to watch? 28. What is your partner's favorite sport to play? 29. What does your partner most like to do with time off? 30. What is one of your partner's favorite weekend activities? 31. What is your partner's favorite getaway place? [...]
[...] What is the date of your anniversary? 10. Who is your partner's most favorite relative? 11. What is your partner's fondest dream, as yet unachieved? 12. What is your partner's favorite flower? 13. What is one of your partner's greatest disaster scenarios? 14. What is your partner's favorite time for making love? 15. What makes your partner feel most competent? 16. What is one thing that turns your partner on sexually? 17. What is your partner's favorite meal? 18. What is your partner's favorite way to spend an evening? [...]
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